I wrote this a while back, and submitted it to a humor list. It was well
received, and sometimes visitors to my page ask about it. So here it is.
Unless you follow Linux and computers the references might not make much
[I wrote this today, frustrated as usual with the idiots in Redmond
sorry for any innacurarcies in the parallel; I only have knowledge
of the second trilogy; the rest is second hand from my girlfriend
who has read all the books. Apologies to George Lucas
-- Vince Weaver, firstname.lastname@example.org]
The OS Wars Trilogy: A preview
A long time ago, in a galaxy not unlike this one, the microprocessor was
invented. There was much rejoicing over this discovery; no longer must
computers be controlled by a mystic priest-hood. Computers can be used by
all as useful tools!
The knights of hackerdom, hereafter referred to as hackers, used and
developed and promoted and in general considered this new breed of computer
a Good Thing. These magical devices could lead to wonders never before seen
in the galaxy. So these hackers, a strange group to begin with, devoted
their lives to the development of this technology.
For a while peace and prosperity filled the galaxy. This was the age of
Apple II's and Commodore 64's, Atari's and TRS-80's. A renewed sense of
learning and cooperation-operation filled all the lands. There was comfort in
knowing that for all the programs being used the source was flowing freely.
When one had the source code, happiness and well-being flowed.
Unfortunately during this time there was a rumbling in the source. One of
the first systems, the Altair system, had a BASIC interpreter crafted by a
young hacker named Bill. Bill, however, did not want the source of his
creation flowing freely. He enjoyed subverting the source for his own
purposes, mainly for monetary benefit. The use of proprietary code is the
dark side of the source.
This new age of joy and prosperity had to come to an end sooner or later.
An old Imperial Power, IBM, decided to try to control this new way of life.
It released its PC, thus beginning the clone wars. With IBM clones flooding
the market, backed by the old Empire, up-starts had little chance. The ix86
architecture was enforced. This was a chaotic time, and IBM made one
mistake. Needing an Operating System to be the life-source of their new
product, IBM chose young Bill to obtain one.
About this time the dark side of the source became too much and young hacker
Bill became Darth Gates. Obtaining an inferior 8-bit OS, he made this the
mainstay of the IBM world. In just a few short years Darth Gates controlled
the OS, managing to leave the old Imperial IBM far behind. While Gates
could have used his powers for good, instead he chose to strive for evil.
While all this was happening, rebel groups attempted to bring down the
evil stronghold. Apple, Amiga, and Unix factions fought valiantly, as did
some direct competitors in Darth Gates' market. Alas, to no avail. And as
the evil OS moved from version 1.0 through version 6.0 the future looked dim.
To make matters worse, Darth Gates hatched a sinister plan to counter-act
the minimal success of the rebels; steal their technology. Thus the
DeathOS was devised. The first half-working version was DeathOS3.1, and it
could destroy the usefulness of even the most powerful 386. While the
rebels learned to fight off this beast, the new DeathOS's, 95 and NT were
developed that could even bring down mighty Pentium systems. The future
looks grim, can no one stop this plague?
Unbeknowned to Darth Gates, on the planet Finlandia a young hacker named
Linus has a vision. He decided that a 386 could be made to do something
useful after all. And out of this vision came **Linux**!!! Drawing from
the mystic Unix religion, this new OS was developed. Strong in the free
side of the source, **Linux** only grew more and more powerful every day.
Improved by hackers throughout the galaxy, and aided by strong flightless
waterfowl the OS became a major fighting tool of the rebels. Hackers, which
had been a dying breed, rallied behind **Linux** and the GNU project. ALL
IS NOT LOST! THE GALAXY CHAFING UNDER DARTH GATES WILL RISE AGAIN!! THE
BATTLE HAS BEGUN!!!!!! WHO WILL WIN??????
To find out, watch for the upcoming OS Wars Trilogy, appearing soon in a
theater near you.
And, as always, MAY THE SOURCE BE WITH YOU.