The Future Adventures of Vince Weaver -- Computer Archaeologist

I wrote this for a class but I never used it, but I thought it was worthwhile anyways.

I am Vince Weaver, renowned Computer Archaeologist from the University of Mars. Most people think that computer archaeology is a boring field. But they have never heard of the astounding adventures I've had. But thats not the point of my lecture today, so I digress. What? You don't believe me? Well I will tell the story of how I recovered the Gates Treasure.

While researching I found an ancient postscript file detailing the life of the infamous tyrannical monopolist, Bill Gates. It was always rumored that he had a huge fortune amassed somewhere, but no one had ever found it. But this obscure document had a map. Apparently it was stored in the Temple of Microsoft in Redmond, Washington.

I chartered a hovercar, and got close. But upon getting close to the entrance, there were piles of dead bodies. Some sort of security system guarded this place. How I could I succeed when so many other adventurers had failed?

Then I made the breakthrough. Through sophisticated ancient computer techniques, I discovered the security system was running Windows 95! This antique OS was even buggier than Windows 2145 [hard to believe but true. That's why I run Linux 34.1.0 myself]. So it was easy. The software could handle one intruder apparently. But my plan was to have me and 3 others attack simultaneously. BOOM!!!! It worked! By having all 4 of us attack, the system was forced to "multi-task". Win95 cannot do this gracefully, it ran out of RAM and crashed completely, requiring a reboot. So then I just walked in, and obtained the fortune. I do not even know why I bothered though.

Why? Because. All it was was a pile of End User License Agreements, MS Office 97 upgrades, and IE disks. Apparently some hacker had stolen all the real treasure 10 years before, by exploiting an Active X bug to get in.

All was not lost though, the pentium that the security system was running on got me a pretty high price from the Computer Museum. So I did make a slight profit. But I digress more..... back to the lecture.........

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