DISCLAIMER: This work should probably not be read by anyone who works
or resides in Bel Air. Some of the material might be
considered offensive. The following reflects the opinions
of the author while in middle school and may or may
not reflect his opinions now.
In central Harford County there lies a putrid blister of a municipality. At Latitude 39°N, Longitude 76° 15'W the cartographer reluctantly places a little circle, pin-pointing the most evil place on the planet, if not the universe. Blinded by the sinister aura, the inhabitants do not realize the torment to which they are subject. They cannot see the malevolence of their own incorporated town, Bel Air of Maryland.
Bel Air is so evil that inanimate objects bemoan its flaws. Driving down the main street, US Route One, the sinister aspects of this hamlet are made apparent. The discerning use the Bel Air Bypass, built in earlier and wiser times, when it was apparent that no one would ever voluntarily travel through this miserable excuse for a county seat. As one travels by the shopping centers and the cellular phone tower, the appalling ugliness becomes apparent. The traffic lights wink ominously, out of order and unsynchronized. The elderly can remember a time of bliss when there were fields and forests and racetracks in the surrounding countryside. Now all that can be seen is asphalt, stores, and housing developments. Like a parasitic infestation the evil mass of greed has sucked the life out of the Harford County's soil. As they enter, the only thoughts in people's minds are "Why do I have to be here?", "Why is this place so hideous?" and "When can I leave?" Truly the place is unwanted and a blight to all aesthetic principles.
The only things worse than Bel Air are Bel Airians. These demented and deranged excuses for humanity have twisted minds that allow them to live in such a horrifying place. Morals and social jurisprudence mean nothing; the inhabitants walk around in a daze, minds numbed by the fiendish surroundings. Why anyone would live there is beyond comprehension; who can imagine what evil lurks in the souls of Bel Airians.
The catalysts of growth in this demonic place are the schools. Looming over the town, these massive brick buildings, also acting as fall-out shelters, spread evil throughout the area. These schools spread the hatred of all that is good and living. The worst of the worst are brought together and concentrated into small rooms, heightening the evil.
Innocent smaller towns, such as Abingdon, are sucked into the maw of destruction. Only from a distance can Joppatowne, Edgewood, Aberdeen, and Havre De Grace watch in horror as the blight spreads, growing ever closer to Interstate 95. The Northern part of the county has already been lost; but yet their remains hope. Ironically many of the Bel Airians are terrified of "Route 40 corridor" areas, as though they were worse than the county seat. This fear is all that saves the sane from an untimely demise.
Luckily for the outside world, Bel Air has been contained by zoning laws and political pressure. The "inverted T" development plan of Harford County has made a monster, yet it saves the rest of the area from the imposing demons of greed, money, avarice and sin. Soon route 24 narrows to 2 lanes, signifying the escape from the giant monster to the north. The escape is only short lived; soon enough I will be sucked back into its maw of desolation.
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